She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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