I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
