Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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