she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
