I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
