Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
