I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
