I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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