You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
