so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
is it fun? or sober?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
