I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So here I am, sexting at work.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
