Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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