Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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