I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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