I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
