you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
