I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
