Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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