At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
