Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
