You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
