just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
