Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
