So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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