But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
