what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
