It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
