your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize