What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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