Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
