Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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