just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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