who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize