I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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