her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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