I love black thongs
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize