that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
