What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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