Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
