still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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