I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
