I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
