You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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