I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
this just has baby written all over it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Randomize
