Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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