oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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