so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
