Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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