Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
