mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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