No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
