I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
