I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
