This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
