Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
