I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
