You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
So much Jack, so little girl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
