How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
