It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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