LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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