He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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