I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
