I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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