I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
