it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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