youre lurking in front of me
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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