i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My liver just had a heart attack.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
