I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
