3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Randomize
