Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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