What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
