The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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