I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just googled if crying burns calories
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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