On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
