I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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