id be glad to
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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