He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
