Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
